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No Vacancy is my new favorite bar in LA, and I say this without ever having gone to one of their tightrope-walking events.
A little backstory on this place: it's the brainchild of Jonnie and Mark Houston, the guys who created one of my other favorite LA through-the-looking-glass experiences, La Descarga, where you go up a dingy stairway, step through a wardrobe, and find yourself in a rum-soaked flamenco Narnia. (If you haven't been, GO. Now. I'll wait.)
You back? Good.
The bar is hidden just off a stretch of Hollywood Blvd that seems determined to take the gold in the Sad Olympics, complete with bros, crazed homeless schizophrenics, bros, tourists on their first trip to LA who look like they're trying to figure out how to get their money back, bros, club girls who have decided their high heels are more uncomfortable than the sidewalk is disgusting, and bros. Don't fight it; embrace it. Where you're headed is going to seem like even more of an oasis once you make it through this.
And what an oasis it is. At the very back of the Hudson Courtyard -- beyond a tequila joint, a Bourbon Street knock-off, a clothing boutique, and a hookah bar -- is a beautifully restored Victorian hotel built in 1902, complete with a glowing "No Vacancy" sign hung over the door. Go up a flight of stairs, pick from a series of random doors in the hall. If you pick the right one, it opens to a turn-of-the-century brothel bedroom, where a classy dame waits poised on a bed like a spoiled Persian housecat. She welcomes you in by saying "Watch your step" and then... the bed starts to move. Beneath it, a hidden staircase leads down into the bar.
If you don't say "tee-hee" to that, you are dead inside.
The main rooms of the bar are an endless steampunk-meets-Gatsby delight, with a liquor selection that runs deeper than Ice Cube at the end of a good day, period accoutrement everywhere, zero attitude from the spiffily-clad bartenders, and a borderline-obsessive attention to detail. Sitting out on the brick-wall ensconced patio, sipping a lovingly handcrafted cocktail (the Gin And Jameson is a favorite), surrounded by baroque fireplaces, ears tingling with ragtime, it's enough to make you forget that you're in ground zero of the wax-museum horrorshow that is the heart of Hollywood Blvd.
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- WHAT: No Vacancy
- WHERE: 1727 N Hudson Ave Los Angeles, CA 90028
- WHEN: Tues-Sat, 8 PM - 2 AM
- $: $8-$12 a drink
